Plans

I'm pretty sure I have a love/hate relationship with planning.

Plans are useful to have in life. They help direct you and can make life easier to manage.

But at then sometimes I can get too caught up in what my plan for life is that I feel trapped into doing something that I don't want to do.

This brings me to some news. I will not be going to grad school this fall.

I have been majorly stressing out about going to grad school. It's really far away from my family. I still have some student loans from undergrad to pay off. I would have zero money going into grad school. My depression has been horrible. All in all I had been feeling really overwhelmed and trapped by the thought of grad school. But because I got into a school, I felt like I had to go. It was the next step in the plan.

For some reason, I totally missed a major prompting that grad school needed to be put off for a year. Okay, it was mainly because I thought it was just my depression making be afraid and anxious and lazy. So I kept ignoring the feeling that putting of grad school for a year would be a good idea. For the past three months this feeling of dread has been getting worse and worse. The more I needed to get done, the more I retreated into myself. It got to the point where I felt my only options grad school or death (I totally wish I was being overdramatic), and death was looking a lot more inviting than the first option.

Sometimes I'm an idiot.

It didn't occur to me to me until this past Sunday that I could just not go to grad school. I really, honestly believed that me not wanting to go was just my depression talking. That all the negative feelings towards grad school were just coming from my broken mind. Turns out Heavenly Father was trying to tell me something, and I wasn't listening.

So, this Sunday when I had the thought that I could just not go this fall, it was like a huge weight was being lifted off my shoulders. When I told my parents and they both agreed that it would be better to wait a year, I knew that I was on the right track. I no longer feel like I want to die. It's awesome. (Although my depression is still more out of whack than I'd like it to be, but I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow about that.)

I'm going to be sticking around in Boise for another year it seems. I feel good about it. Yay!

I feel the need to share something funny since this post feels a little depressing.

 The Lord of the Bacon. Bacon Wars. Teenage Bacon Ninja Turtles... that one is a little weird because you could replace any of the four words (Bacon Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Bacon Turtles, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Bacon, wait no, the last one is the best). Do it guys. Do it. It's awesome.

Totally legit.

Even zombies have standards. 

Yeah. I think I agree too much with this at the moment. Haha. 

I hope you all are having a happier time of it than me right now. (If you are not than remember that I love you and it will get better. Promise.)

DDoG:

Realizing that a change of plan is okay and what I think I have to do, I don't actually have to do and that is also okay.